‘Australian news reports are so cute,’ that’s what South African comedian and talk show host, Trevor Noah, said in a stand-up video clip on YouTube.
I like the bloke because he has the same accent as me, his punchlines also land well because I spent 30 years living in Southern Africa.
But that’s how most comedy routines go, the comedian makes fun of common but unspoken behaviour, and the audience laughs because they thought it only happened to them.
Australian news reports are cute, there’s the presenter on television and the big story of the day is that the prime minister accepted an upgrade to first class when flying business.
South Africa’s president could be given a private plane as a bribe and still be a hero to the people.
Back to the Aussie news and there’s the chap who chased a crook who stole grog from the servo, then broke a ‘plugger’ on his thong.
Next is dramatic footage of a plastic water bottle being tossed out the window in an act of road rage filmed by a passenger’s mobile phone.
That bit of footage, perhaps 30 seconds long, has been teased all the way through the broadcast, then aired right at the end and lasts a minute top.
Trevor’s revelation made me chuckle because while Australia isn’t completely devoid of violent crime and dishonest politicians, it’s the numbers that make these things manageable.
Well, manageable enough for most moderate Australians to agree they live in the lucky country.
During covid our biggest problem was toilet paper and the shortage happened because people panic buyed.
‘We don’t import it, we make it here and we are not going to run out of it’, some of the bigger loo roll manufacturers said.
People were told to calm their farm and give shops a chance to restock.
I watched television and saw how the United States handled the pandemic.
There were makeshift marque morgues in sporting arenas and in the carparks of hospitals in New York city.
That’s a real crisis.
Now there’s war in the Middle East, well, there’s always war in the Middle East but we’re told this time it’s particularly nasty.
It’s where much of the world gets its petroleum and diesel, so we must play nice and hope they figure a way to keep the supply chain afloat.
I’m writing this column with a sliding door wide open and surrounded by mountains.
I am as far from the conflict as one can be.
But like covid, there’s always something major Australian’s must manage when there’s a crisis, and this time it’s fuel.
I recently wrote an article about the effect diesel supply was having on primary producers.
I’m fact checking and investigating whether the problem is logistical and war related, or the result of panic buying.
Like the toilet paper (yes, that again) are people panic fuelling up and perhaps that’s why there’s a shortage?
I hope so, because I spoke to a generational farmer who said he’d ordered diesel and his supplier couldn’t give him a date or timeline when that would happen.
That was the first time he’d been told that, he said, and he was worried.
Primary producers use all kinds of machinery that need diesel to run.
Crops are grown on a cycle and like all organic material, die, rot and become useless if the proper processes don’t happen when they are supposed to.
I called into my local BP petrol station and the diesel pumps were empty.
I asked the clerk when they’d have more in and she didn’t know.
She said the servo got its fuel from the same supplier as the producers I’d interviewed and she’d been told the same thing, ‘We don’t know when we’ll have a delivery for you’.
Meanwhile, Bunnings is running out of jerry cans and fuel storage containers.
People are lining up at servos and filling up, then filling multiple containers to take home.
The same smell of desperation is in the air as covid with the hand sanitiser/toilet paper shortage.
The difference now is people are realising how reliant we are on fuel, and diesel in particular.
No farming or trucks to transport food means no food in the shops … it’s a downward trajectory that could tank the economy.
What happens out there in the ‘big, bad world’ might not happen in Australia, but that doesn’t mean we are untouched.
Everything is connected and while soft news on Aussie televisions could be called ‘cute’, there’s nothing uglier than a world held to ransom by greedy dictators and their oil and supply chains.
