SHAYNE Probert’s story is as hard to write and it is to read.
Her mum was killed by her estranged defacto partner.
They were broken up and he’d been stalking her.
Ultimately, he set the unit she lived in alight with them both locked inside.
They died and the coroner ruled it a murder suicide.
Every story has a beginning and an end.
The very best ones end with ‘and they lived happily ever after’.
Anyone who’s lived long enough understands it’s the middle bit that matters most.
Unfortunately, many relationships that involve domestic abuse begin the same way healthy ones do.
The difference is the love, affection and bonding is done as a form of ‘love bombing’.
Doreen Langham and Gary Hely met at high school, they lost touch until around early 2019.
They became a couple and were together for just over two-and-a-half years.
“They were in WA when they first got together,” Shayne recalled.
“We didn’t really hear or see too much of [how their relationship was].
“Mum was always going to move back to Queensland because my sister and I have children and she wanted to be a grandma.”
She moved to Queensland bringing Gary with her.
“They went absolutely everywhere together and now looking back at it, I can definitely see the signs something wasn’t right,” she said.
“My husband was the first to say ‘I’m not sure what it is but something doesn’t sit right’.
“They lived with us for a while and when they had a fight mum would be sitting out in the lounge and get message after message.
“I’d say ‘who is messaging you’ because he hadn’t spoken to her for three days yet was sending her a gazillion messages.
“Alarm bells went off but he was being overly nice to us.
“He’d also do the ‘poor me’ where they’d have a fight and he’d reach out to me saying he doesn’t know what to do, he’s tried talking to her and she doesn’t understand what I’m saying.”
The family’s intuition was going off big time, they knew something wasn’t right with their beloved mum’s partner.
“My sister and I spoke to mum about it,” she said.
“We said ‘you’re not happy, you don’t seem happy, what is going on?’
“It wasn’t until quite a while down the track, mum came out and told us he was tracking her phone.
“She left him and he said he was getting counselling and had tried to kill himself.
“Mum gave him a second chance and it all went really bad.
“She didn’t want to kick him out because he was living in a state where he didn’t know anyone.
“She let him sleep in the spare room and we said ‘mum, he’s a 40-something-year-old man who works a full time job, he can stay in a hotel!’.”
The next few weeks, Doreen was visibly anxious and nervous when catching up with her daughters.
‘I’ve told other friends but he threatened me yesterday’ Shayne said she was told.
“Mum said, ‘I’m just telling you this in case anything happens to me, he said enjoy your last two weeks, you don’t know how it will happen, it may be a sniper, its might be a car … so just enjoy your life.’
Shayne said her mum went to the police and had a restraining order taken out.
She said her mum made statements and went to stay with a friend.
She got a new mobile phone and changed her phone number.
“Mum was the person who did absolutely everything the state told her to do and she reported every breach, just as instructed,” she said.
“She was at her unit and there’s no definitive idea of how it happened, but all we know is he’s gained entry at some point.
“She’s called the police around nine o’clock to say he’s outside her unit.
“[The police] were busy and didn’t get to her place until midnight.
“We have nothing to tell us whether or not he was inside then or not but around 3.00am the first neighbour rang to say the unit was on fire.”
Shayne said during the investigation police viewed CCTV footage of Gary buying petrol at a nearby service station.
He also bought rope and duct tape.
Doreen and Gary’s charred bodies were found in the burnt out unit by fire investigators and police.
“His family were very respectful of us, they were obviously very shocked but we didn’t hear much from them,” Shayne said.
“We saw his brother-in-law at the inquest.
“At the end of the day it’s very hard for them as a family as well,
“As much as Gary did this horrific thing, I am assuming they’ll be going through so many emotions because they’ve lost a family member, they’re dealing with the emotions of being angry and then there’s shame.
“We’ve reached out to them and said in no way do we blame the family for what happened, we blame Gary.”
Shayne is telling her mum’s story to help others understand that domestic violence can affect anyone and so women in these types of relationships know they’re not alone.
“The effect of losing someone to domestic violence doesn’t disappear overnight, it stays with you and opens your eyes to a whole new world you never knew existed,” she said.
“Gary was jealous and said nobody else could have her but now everyone is going to know her name and it’s going to save women, it’s not going to hide in a shadow.”
May is Domestic and Family Violence Prevention month and 2024’s theme is ‘it’s in our control to end coercive control’.
The initiative aims to raise awareness of domestic and family
violence.
WHO TO CALL TO GET HELP
IN AN emergency call the police on Triple Zero (000).
DVConnect Womensline – 1800 811 811
DVConnect Mensline- 1800 600 636
800RESPECT – 1800 737 732
